Are you trying at your marriage or are you committed in your marriage? Those that “try” at anything are usually not committed. They will stay with something until it gets hard. Committed means you do what ever it takes to make something work. Those that commit generally succeed, while those that try will generally fail.
A deep level of commitment in a marriage can lead to a lower divorce rate. According to Thomas Bradbury, Benjamin Karney and Dominik Schoebi from the Relationship Institute at UCLA couples that both people were willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the marriage were significantly more likely to have lasting and happy marriages. Of the 172 couples in the study, 78.5% were still married after 11 years and 21.5% were divorced. This is significantly better than the average divorce rate.
Ways to make your marriage more successful:
- Compromise. Good marriages are not based on I win or you win. It is not a winning or losing proposition. Commit to the relationship rather than committing to your own immediate needs and agenda. Sometimes you need to sacrifice your needs and wants.
- Communicate. When you don’t see things eye to eye talk to your spouse. There is a good chance that your spouse can not read your mind.
- Pray together and for each other. Pray for strength and unity in your marriage. Pray for others and their needs on a daily basis. Men, here is a prayer for your wife.
- Commit with actions. Let your actions reflect your commitment. Make yourself available when your spouse wants to talk. Spend time alone with your spouse. Laugh together. Have date moments. Plan for your future together.
- Commit with words. Tell your spouse that you are committed to your marriage for the rest of your life. Tell your spouse you love them in front of your kids. Let your kids know that you and your spouse are committed to each other through thick and thin. This will put your kids at ease. They see a lot of divorce through their friends.
- Learn your spouse’s Love Language. There are only 5 to learn. Here is a post I did on The Language of Love.
- Be Grateful for your spouse. What are you thankful for? Ask God to bring these things to mind. Make a list and review it often.
- Do a check up. Ask your spouse how you are doing for him or her every 6 months. Ask what you can do to improve the relationship.
- Model other couples that have successful marriages. Ask a couple that has been successfully married a long time to mentor you.
- Renew your wedding vows every 5 – 10 years. Recommit to each other. My wife and I did this the last time, in Cana, for our 25th wedding anniversary.
These are just a few ideas to make a marriage more successful. Please feel free to share this with others.